its a funny thing really.
how in just 15 short months so many things about yourself and about what you value can so change so greatly.
as i read my bloglines.com, where i keep a running list of all the blogs i frequent, and see the broad spectrum of what everyone, whether stranger or friend, i am amazed:
“look at me, look at me and how i shot this engagement session”.
“i simply can’t live without this product or my life will be over!!”.
“if i dont get on my pintrest once a day, i will simply die”.
“i bought this amazing dress for only $200!”
the list goes on.
and as i read through that list, i suddenly realize i have a difficult time and cannot relate…
i dont know if it’s because i’ve been on the mission field in a 3rd world country where life and death are very real things and what i’m going to wear to a cocktail party, or how i’m going to decorate my house with DIY loveliness just dont really hold a light to my current reality. i dont know if it is because in 29 days i turn 40 and am reflecting, “what the hello have i done with my life?”. i dont know if i’m having a midlife crisis - altho i have no desire to drive a sports car, riding a motorcycle or an italian scooter has suddenly popped on my radar and i am not sure that it is even that scary of a deal anymore.
i dont know but i feel like i cannot even relate to the West, my home culture, anymore in some ways. where things and stuff are the basis of…pretty much everything. sigh.
what about life? what your heart? what about LIVING?
WHAT WILL YOU DO WITH YOUR ONE WILD AND PRECIOUS LIFE?
Mary Oliver was asking the right questions when she asked the above question.
i dont know what i will do with mine. i have never REALLY known what i wanted to do with mine. it’s always felt a little bit of an ambiguous question to me. or maybe my LIFE is ambiguous? i dont know really. but i do know i like the word ambiguous. :)
but i want it to matter. my life that is. i want it to be something that will have made a difference. me being in this world. living how i choose to live, whereever i choose to live it, whatever i choose to be doing.
and maybe that…THAT right there is the key. just to be intentional.
intentional in really LIVING life.
intentional in really ENGAGING life.
intentional in really LOVING in life.
this is all that i’m thinking about this morning. this and my ritual cup of coffee that i need to go sip…intentionally.